So, it's a little after 1 am, and guess who's wide awake? I can tell you it isn't the centenarian in the room. She's been snoozing for quite some time. And since there are only two of us in this spacious "hotel", and I'm the one typing, your guess is probably 100% accurate.
Why am I not sleeping, you ask? Great question! I'm certainly tired, but it seems I'm not really sleepy. It could be that I take my job as "night nurse" very seriously. Or it could be (this is likely the real reason, btw) that I can't seem to turn off my mind. It's reeling. I'm replaying different moments in my head, over and over again. Some of those moments rock, by the way. Some, not so much.
This week could be summed up in one comment, uttered by about 5 different people in my life -- at completely different times. "If it weren't your birthday week, it'd be a total bust." I concur. It wasn't a bad week. It wasn't a good week. It was a week. 7 days. 168 hours. No more, no less.
I used to look forward to my birthday. Sometimes I still do. But it's not as cool as it was when I was 7, or 16, or 18, or 21, or... Each birthday is a reminder that I'm not going to live forever (I really don't mind that part of it), and that I still have a lot of "to do" items to check off my list before I'm gone. I guess I'm thinking about birthdays on this particular "unbirthday", because I'm wide awake in a hospital room with one way cool grandmother who turns 100 years old...today. I'm singing to her at 4:30 am, because something tells me that hasn't happened for her in a very long time. She's lived a long, mostly healthy, life full of many blessings and she isn't afraid to say so.
I don't do that. Sure I have blessings. I have some really great people in my life. I've had some really amazing experiences in my 29(ish) years. I've had highs and lows, ups and downs. All in all, I'd say I've had the pleasure of living...sometimes. Other times, I'm just coasting from moment to moment, day to day, week to week. And the rest of the time, I'm just too busy to stop and take it all in.
I do that with my children. I rarely miss an opportunity to tell them I'm proud of them or to congratulate them on something exciting in their lives. But life is busy. I've got a lot going on, and there's always something more important that needs my attention at any given moment. So I don't often take the time to pat myself on the back for a job well done. I do what needs to be done, because it needs to be done. (It's kinda the same with laundry...)
So before this really cool lady I'm spending the night with went to sleep for the night, she looked at me and said, "I'm really glad you're going to nurses school. I think you'll make a really great nurse." I might have smiled on the inside. Not because it was a new concept, but because she's never really said anything like that to me before.
Prior to tonight, and our conversation about the Razorback game (she can't really see tv, and her good ear was away from the volume on her hospital remote/speaker thing), I think I've seen her a few times a year. One of those times is around Christmas, usually the Saturday before Christmas, when several of her kids, grandkids, great grandkids, great-great grandkids, and 50 of their closest friends gather for the annual Christmas caroling extravaganza. We always meet at her house, eat her Christmas candy, and peanut butter cookies, and chat with her about what's up in our lives (as told in 45 seconds or less, since her house it tiny, and there are so many people around).
Did I mention she's sharp as a tack? No really, she is. In between our conversation about football, and how she doesn't really hear well, and that I might have to translate for her when the nurses come in to wake her up during the night -- she asked about the girls. "Where are they in school? What are they doing tonight? Caity made All-Region Choir? She must be so proud. What about MacKenzie? MacKenzie has a boyfriend? Momma's never like it when their little girls have boyfriends. I had a boyfriend when I was about her age. My momma didn't like it at all." (I'm going to get the rest of THAT story before I leave this place tomorrow, by the way.)
So, I'm looking at the clock. It's pushing 2 am. I'm STILL wide awake, but a little more settled. I think I'll get off here and count my blessings instead of sheep, and see where that leads me. Hopefully, it leads to a little cabin near a snow-covered mountain and pleasant dreams. At the very least, it will lead me to 4:30 am when I will sing Happy Birthday to one really incredible lady. She'll smile, and perhaps get a little teary. (Or maybe that will be me...) Happy Birthday, Great Mammaw! I'd say you're one lucky lady, but somehow I think you already know that. Hmmm, do they make "Happy 100th Birthday" cards???
