precious jewels

So, it's obviously late -- and since I have class in the am, I SHOULD be in bed. But life happens when you least expect it, and tonight it is happening all over the place. I think it's in the late hours of the night (or wee hours of the morning) that I find my mind most restless. I'm not exactly sure about why that happens, other than it's the only time I'm really still -- and quiet. I spend most of my weekends of late doing homework -- trying to fit in studying wherever I can during the week. I have time between my classes at school, so I use that time, as well. Tonight however, I have been somewhat distracted all evening. And it isn't just a random thought or getting off task for a bit, it's big "I really need to think about this" kind of distractions.

I'm really not trying to talk in code, although I do a pretty good job of that at times. I found out about a week ago that my bestie (you know the type -- you go for months or weeks not talking to each other except an occasional post to facebook but you're there for each other when it counts the most) is really having a hard time. I have really struggled with how to reach out to her. We were college roommates -- and unlikely friends who happened to need someone to share the rent with. We cried over boys together. We laughed a lot. She was maid of honor in my wedding. She married my brother (later to have her heart trampled by him). She was there for the birth of my oldest daughter. We lost touch for several years, and always seem to reconnect over some tragedy. I called her personally to tell her about my brother's death (and later to tell her about my momma). We have literally cried more than we've laughed in our recent moments together. We always say "let's keep in touch -- let's do better" and yet tragedy is what seems to bring us together.

So, I'm talking to her tonight on Facebook chat. She was on, I was up -- we both needed each other, I suspect. And the months that we haven't spoken just kinda melted away. She's having a hard time, it's a subject on which I can relate. I express my desire to be closer to her when she needs me -- she reassures me that I would be there if I could (and I am when it matters most) and then it hits me. Real friends are a dime a dozen. So then, with tears streaming down my face I do an inventory of my really close friends. I suspect I'm luckier than most.

I can remember a time not too terribly long ago (therapy comes to mind) when I was given the assignment of doing an inventory very similar to this. I was in the middle of a rough time. One relationship was strained, to say the least, and I was actually having a pity party because I could only count 6 close relationships (excluding my spouse). I think I read somewhere that a person is only capable of maintaining 6 close relationships at a time. And as far as total relationships you can have at one time, it maxes out around 30. I know a few people who would be hard pressed to come up with a handful.

So I count myself lucky. I have several friends that it doesn't matter how many miles separate us, we still manage to pick up right where we left off. And we have a lot of fun together. I have some friends that I know I can talk to about anything that's going on with me -- good, bad and ugly -- and their love for me isn't going to waiver. And I have a couple that are precious jewels. Not only do they love you no matter what -- BUT they also tell you you're beautiful when you have mascara smeared down your face and your eyes are puffy from crying. And they are willing to cry with you if necessary (and it's almost always necessary) and they don't really mind because they know you would do the same thing in that situation.

So, friend -- my thoughts are with you. I understand, and I know exactly what you're going through. I am in my car and headed to your house, just say the word. We will undoubtedly cry together, and laugh in between -- and I will tell you "you're beautiful" even when your eyes are puffy and you have mascara smeared down your face. You don't have to be strong for everyone else. (I know how hard it is to see your daddy breakdown.) It's okay to fall apart -- your real friends will be there to pick you up and put you back together. While the "together" may never be the same, you will come out on the other side. And someday, late at night, you too will do an inventory of your relationships. You will realize that you are one lucky girl, with really great friends -- who would do it all over again, as many times as necessary.