For my girls...

Mother's Day is always bittersweet. It is the one day each year where I tend to be most conflicted. I miss my mom every day, but a holiday dedicated to mom's? What about all the women who are very much a "mom" to someone(s), but have no children of their own? Or the women who had to deal with the death of a child? Or the women who have tried everything, including standing on their heads, in order to try to have children? Or the women who gave birth, but aren't really much of a mother at all? Or the girls who don't have their mom in their life for whatever reason, but through no fault of their own? You see where I'm going? (The same applies to dads, but I'm not one of those even though I know some pretty phenomenal fathers.)

In an effort to not be quite so absorbed with my "motherlessness", I decided to do something different. I chose to write a letter to my daughters, and I decided to do it as a blog instead of a card that will be tucked away in some drawer. I do this for two reasons. First, I want my girls to know that while I am THE mom, there are others who have had a profound impact on who they are. Secondly, I want to keep a copy for me, and I lose paper. If I kept every piece of paper that had an impact on me, we'd be watching an episode of hoarders, folks. So here goes...

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A letter for Caitlin (aka: CaityB, b-bess, Caitydid, "sister") and MacKenzie (aka: Kenzabug, Kenz, Mack, kenzanoodle):

I know that life hasn't always been easy. In fact, it sometimes seems like it's been an uphill battle. I think that is just part of having really young parents. Being in a family where you move often, can't have been easy either.

As your mom, it wasn't ever easy for me to see your heartache when we had the dreaded "family talk" to discuss a major life-changing event. Sometimes those talks resulted in a new address and saying goodbye to friends. (Other times, it was to decide to stay right where we were. That one time, it involved both at the same time.) We have had LOTS of those conversations over the years, but I am so proud of the young women you have become as a result.

You have always influenced the decisions that were made. As your parents, we tried to think of the decision that was best in the long run. Sometimes we failed, but mostly we expanded the walls of our home and as a result the size of our family.

You are both incredibly beautiful and sweet, often sarcastic versions of every "mother" you've had in your life. I may be the woman who gave birth to you, but it truly takes a village to raise strong, independent, thoughtful, smart, and funny girls in this crazy world. (In case you haven't kept track, I did the math because I'm a big nerd. 10 churches, 8 youth groups, and 77 youth "moms" -- and there's no way to keep up with all the big brothers and sisters that came as a result. Trust me, it's a LOT!)

You have endured more than your fair share of heartbreak, and while you have allowed yourselves to move past the tears, the heartache makes you somewhat more equipped to deal with the obstacles that come your way. You learn what you're made of in those moments. You're both pretty resilient and flexible. You make my heart sing with your wisdom and wit. I speak for a lot of people, family and friends (and friends who became family), when I say you are both pretty phenomenal in the daughter department.

Caitlin: College is fun. Boys are trouble. (There are very few exceptions, so find the one who makes you smile.) Make good grades. Set your alarm. Turn your stereo up loud enough to have a dance party, but not so loud as to disturb your neighbors. Eat breakfast. Play. Enjoy being young, there's plenty of time to grow up. Call your parents. Plan a Skype date with Ali - she and Emmy are going to miss you as much as Daddy and I do. Come home every now and then. Be safe. Most of all, have a good time and make yourself proud, the people who love you will follow suit.

MacKenzie: Your senior year is all about memories, so have fun. Boys are trouble. (There are very few exceptions to that rule.) Smile, it's nice to see you do that. Make good grades. Sing at the top of your lungs. Be yourself, no one else can do it for you. Read a book. Call and check in. Plan a Skype date with Jake and daddy, they're going to miss you a lot. Eat breakfast. Play, you're only 17 once. Audition for everything. Break a leg. Start on your college applications. Follow your dreams, don't allow others to dictate them for you. Have fun, but make smart choices.

As we move into this next chapter of life, may you know that you are forever changed by the amazing people who have called us family, either by choice or by chance. Not a day goes by, that I don't thank God for giving me the opportunity to be your mom. I may not always be perfect, but I have great admiration and love bigger than my heart can hold for each of you. I count myself to be the lucky one. "You're my favorite, but don't tell your sister!". I love you both equally, and separately. Thank you for making Mother's Day worthy of the celebration.

Momma
(Mother's Day 2012)